Do you ever wonder how different life would be if you hadn’t met someone? Or if Chemistry didn’t exist and you had to settle for a History major? Or society didn’t have this ingrained notion of who we are born to be? Or what success looks like?
I struggle with these thoughts almost always. Trodding back and forth between what ifs and contentment. In my head, it’s almost as if I live two parallel lives. One that I never talk about; unless it’s 2a.m and my only audience is a glass of pain go-bye-bye juice and the demons under my bed. And sometimes, telepathy.
I wish happiness was more consistent. And this life thing wasn’t such a poorly mixed cocktail of emotions and luck. I think about how wonderful it must be to be so sure of ones self. To walk confidently into the unknown, knowing that every decision made was because YOU wanted to make it. I wonder if that’s happiness.
See life is a series of unparalleled events. Some days more beautiful than others. But even in those fleeting moments, it’s important to ask yourself…’Am I happy? Am I truly, fundamentally happy? Or am I just playing musical chairs with what it means to truly live…?
What does happiness mean to you?
I just want to take this moment to recognize the incredible support system that has held my hand through this journey especially since September when life became too hazy; the ones that stayed up with me on nights when my thoughts were too loud to bare, the ones that sat with me and filled my heart with laughter, the ones that reminded me that I am worthy and that my dreams mean something, the ones who weren’t afraid to cradle my fears with hugs and affirmation, the ones whose love was so present, so consistent and so intentional that I never once felt lacking, the ones that introduced me to numerous opportunities and pushed me beyond my comfort zone, the ones that taught me to be brave, the sweet surprises that I never imagined existed – who showed up one night and changed my perception of humans, the ones who have continued to celebrate my existence and my art even when I don’t believe in it myself. I love you beyond words. I love you because of who you are and how you show up. I love you because you’ve changed how I perceive myself and the world. And from the bottom of my heart, I just hope that you all know how much I appreciate your presence in my life.
You make me want to do better.
And finally, a very special thank you to everyone who stayed up and worked on this project with me. No matter what role you played; bringer of food, source-er of music, king of critic…You are the real stars!
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