While this isn’t the content you were hoping for, and I’m certain SZA would agree – I owed it to myself to remind you that there’s just about a ton of us who still have no idea what this life thing really is.
At 25, I believed I’d have everything figured out. Now I spend most of my days wishing I was a kid again. And when I’m not trapped in this vortex of endless thoughts, I’m trying to simply come up with a career title that matches my interests. I miss the girl I was at 6 when allergies were just allergies. Before I understood heartbreak or pain and why some nights silent crying into your pillow is therapeutic. Life was much lighter then and we had all the time in the world to figure things out. I remember how happy I was with the mundane and how much I looked forward to every waking breath; excited for yet another adventure. And love was easy, and so was this concept of adulthood.
Now face to face with my limited interpretation of the term, I wish I could get a second chance to re-write my past. Not because I resent it but because in living there’s a lot I wish I didn’t learn. Like self- doubt and how it scars your heart or just how relentless human beings have become in their quest for destruction; diffusing any grain of humanity.
I often wonder how many of us are merely existing? Trapped in a time loop, unconscious of their magic because someone made them believe they weren’t worthy. Or how many friendships are made out of convenience and not real connections because your love was dubbed too much. I wonder if anyone is truly happy? Or are we just doing what we have to do to check off a list because that’s what we’ve been conditioned to?
I’ve always craved something deeper than ordinary. I have a pretty good idea of who I want to be but most nights I find myself buried within my own thoughts. Questioning my dreams and their authenticity. It’s harder to talk about the unknown, because often times the fear of being judged or mocked is brutal. And the truth is, at 25 no one expects you to still be dreaming. So most of us settle – but at what cost?
The world will try to remind you that in ageing you are running out of time. But the truth is life is short so take full advantage while you are here. Live fully and celebrate your wins no matter how small. Cheers to growth. Don’t stop to compare yourself because you are exactly where you need to be. And in an age where Lupita, Rihanna, Marsai, Osbourne Macharia, Ryan Coogler exist – breathing the same air as you, consider yourself lucky because you are!